Disclaimer: While some people in my life may feel I’m talking specifically about them, this has been such a recurrent theme that it really is more a discussion about general types of personalities. A particular person may have brought this to my mind again recently, yes, but is definitely not the center of the issue. Those who know me well know I just find ideas like these interesting and appealing to talk about.
Disclaimer II: If you’re adverse to long rambling discussion posts, you might want to skip this one.
I’ve been thinking about the various ways people conceive of and confront problems, and how they affect change. Sometimes I’m struck dumb by the differences between us, times when I can hardly imagine looking at the world in such an unfamiliar way.
I’m a huge fan of the MBTI (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator) and think it helps me understand personality differences in those around me. It’s especially good when you’re dealing with someone with an opposite function (Thinking vs. Feeling, Sensing vs. Intuition) because otherwise you can have trouble understanding their point of view. We sometimes expect that all people think in the same way we do, that they value the same things, and that they’re swayed by the same arguments, when in fact they view the world so differently we can’t comprehend their vision of it.
I’ll start with my perspective, since that’s what I know best and is what causes me to do a double-take when I run across a person of the opposite temperament. In line with my MBTI score, I tend to analyze most things in a logical manner (I’m an INTP, and think this demonstrates my T-ness)*. I try to make sense of things in a rational way, and I try to use logic to steer my behavior. (Now, for those unfamiliar with the MBTI, being a T doesn’t mean that the quality of your thinking is good, necessarily, but that it’s the method by which you judge the world around you.) I’d say I’m a very emotional person, too, although I don’t always feel it’s appropriate to show my emotions (a common T trait) — it’s not that T’s aren’t emotional, it’s just that they don’t usually make decisions based on their emotions (feeling judgements, more accurately). They’re less comfortable doing so than using logic, at least.
As an analyzer, I learn by questioning, because when you question you have to come up with an answer. You end up thinking of things in a number of ways until you figure out what you think or believe or should do. Constructive criticism or questions from another person are similarly beneficial - I either know my mind well enough to defend my position and solidify it, or the questions help me to explore a facet of the issue I’d neglected to see. Having to defend your position forces you to determine what you think. The process is so helpful that I can’t imagine getting through life without it. Some would say it’s a scientific way of approaching the world: what about this? What if that? Have you thought of this? Here’s an interesting wrench to throw into the mess - what to do now? What would happen if?? And there are always more questions to be asked — there is a world of mystery, even just within the human psyche.
This perspective is natural to me. The questions don’t make me nervous or feel threatened. They’re not personal. Questions aren’t about evil criticism, but are about seeking answers. A lack of answers doesn’t make me uncomfortable or upset, either. Finding what’s wrong with something allows you to make it better. It doesn’t mean what you already have is worthless. Because of this, it also never occurs to me that some people are made uncomfortable by someone casually asking lots of questions about what they’re doing and why. I’m just trying to find out how it makes sense, of course. It’s my natural response to something that isn’t immediately familiar. How does one think without questioning?? And how could you actually proceed with a course of action without having answers to those questions, anyway?? (All of this really betrays my strong T.)
In addition, I believe the “thinking” mindset is what drives my concern with consistency. I often make changes because I realize something I do isn’t consistent with my thoughts or beliefs. Or at least that fact spurs me to try to change — I’m no saint. But I think a lot about what I should do to be more consistent. Inconsistency doesn’t make sense, a state which is anathema to a “T”, and so I have to rearrange either my thoughts or behavior so they are more in line with one another. Or do some fancy rationalization in order to trick myself into believing I’m making sense (I don’t want to imply that T’s are always perfect or effective–we all have our ways to avoid the truth). But things that are inconsistent or don’t make sense make me sufficiently uncomfortable to address them, and I think many T’s would say the same.
This version of reality seems logical to me: it feels right, I know the process, it makes sense.
So what if you toss all of that out the window? What do you have left? Whatever you want to call it, it makes my brain hurt.
I realize intellectually that there is another approach — one could judge people and situations based on feeling values instead of logic. One could distrust logic the way a T distrusts feeling. One could choose action by what “feels right”. One could only exhibit behaviors that sustain harmony and avoid conflict, even if one has to deny some facts, because otherwise one might be rude or hurtful. One could focus on support and positive interactions rather than objective logical analysis. I realize this orientation exists, but I have a hard time imagining, other than in the abstract, what it would mean to live your life by these principles.
And so it’s happened that a number of times in my life, I’ve found myself confronting a person who is offended by questions. They make them uncomfortable, depressed, irritated, angry, hurt, or hopeless. How could this be, I wonder? If you don’t ask questions, how in the world do you find answers?? If pointing out inconsistencies is paramount to an attack, how does one evaluate one’s behavior? Can you honestly consider your actions if you can’t ask yourself if what you did was right? What is the feeler’s method of evaluating their experience?
If questioning is too picky, relentless, or impolite, I’m not sure how critical analysis is to occur. Or is that the point? Are the issues presented by analysis too discomfiting for the typical Feeler? Do they ripple the calm of harmony and positive feelings? Why is it so distressing to defend your actions or thoughts?
While I don’t begrudge anyone their way of looking at the world, I can’t for the life of me figure out how they get anything done! Honestly, I want to know: What spurs change, if not the idea that a new alternative makes more sense, would be more productive, or would be more consistent? If you don’t want to think about the ways in which something is lacking because it’s upsetting or could make waves, how do you hope to improve upon it? How can you even think about it at all, if you’re avoiding the sticky parts? In my mind that’s the same as crossing your fingers that you’ll wake up one day with the problem solved through no work of your own. Not gonna happen…right? Or is it? Is that the secret of the F’s? They are predisposed to experience epiphanies that bring about much needed change? (Technically, that would probably be in the domain of any Intuitive.) Maybe it’s an emotional revelation, then. Thought doesn’t get them where they need to go, but instead they must wait to suddenly FEEL a change.
I’m assuming that negative feelings are a great catalyst for the feeler — if they feel sufficiently bad about or toward something, they’ll do something about it. My thinker’s brain immediately asks: but if one particularly avoids thinking about negative things, how does one even consider an item long enough to feel bad about it? Even more so: why doesn’t inconsistency make them feel bad?
Oy! I think I’ve gotten all convoluted here, and I’m not sure I’m making much sense anymore…
Did anyone get any of that?
*all my statements about the MBTI are my understandings only, and how I see it play into my daily life. I make no claims of expertise!
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